Sunday, 1 July 2012

Mmmm nibbles

One of the weirdest things about this fatiguey condition of mine is the impact it can have on how I eat.

Today I am all kinds of broken after the wedding. Well, not so much the wedding as the effects of a long evening dealing with an overtired toddler who only wanted to lie still and try to sleep so long as I was lying alongside him (awkwardly, as described in previous entries here). Now snuggling with my dear child is lovely on all levels but when Big is out for the evening and I am acutely aware that I need to go to bed myself but can't until I've straightened up the kitchen and done a thousand other little chores that are part and parcel of being the only person in the house who notices or cares about basic levels of cleanliness, it's not something I can really just give myself over to. Attempts to sneak off were met by having at least on arm suddenly wrapped in toddler whose superpower has just revealed itself to create Limpet Boy. Eventually he did sleep and I could effect my escape and finally got to bed around 11:30, only to be woken at some horrendous hour (I didn't look and still don't want to know) to go through it all over again.
So yeah, tired today. Where was I..?

Food, yes. When I'm in this place, my body is apparently confused. Despite the fact that I'm not at all active beyond what is absolutely necessary, my body assumes the problem is lack of fuel. It's starving. I want to eat all day and it's a real struggle to override the impulse and just take in what I know I need. I've even well today, not excessively but properly and balanced and I'm still hungry, really hungry. I shouldn't be, it's stupid.

Other days it goes a different way. Sometimes I sit down with a nice cuppa (it never happens with coffee, more often with tea and has happened a few times with lemsip too), feeling completely normal and minutes after finishing it am suddenly running for the bathroom to throw the whole lot up along with pretty much everything else I've eaten that day. That week. (sorry, TMI I know) I'll then feel a bit shook up for a half hour or so afterwards then totally back to how I was before the cuppa. No logic to it, doesn't matter if my stomach is full or empty besides the tea, time of day irrelevant, all variable factors checked and discounted as best as I'm able. It's like suddenly finding yourself involuntarily bulimic for five minutes once every few weeks. Very odd.  

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